Ulan

HINAHANAP HANAP KITA 

http://youtu.be/lAze-A1J7Tk

Umuulan na naman.

Mahina lamang ang pagpatak kanina.

Ngayon ay bumuhos na nga

At ang langit ay makulimlim.

Nakikisama.

Sa akin.

Sa nararamdaman ko.

Ngayong malayo ka.

Oo nga at kasama lang kita kanina.

Abot tanaw. 

Abot kamay.

Abot saya. 

Pero oras na naman kasi

Para tayo ay maghiwalay.

Pansamantala lang naman.

Alam ko naman iyon.

Mamaya ay makakausap naman kita.

Pasensya ka na, mahal ko.

Hindi pa rin ako masanay na wala ka sa tabi ko.

Kahit pa nga andito ka lang naman sa puso ko.

Iniisip kita.

Nakangiti naman ako 

Habang inaalala kita.

Pero ito kasing puso ko.

Umiiyak.

Nangungulila.

Parang ang tagal ng takbo ng oras.

Habang hindi pa tayo magkasama,

Narito naman ang ulan para dumamay

Sa aking panglaw habang wala ka.

Sa pagbuhos ng ulan 

Tila iniiyak nito ang aking damdamin

Na pilit ko sanang ikinukubli

Dahil ayaw mong ako'y nalulungkot.

Sana saglit lamang ang ulan na ito.

Sana sumilay na ang ngiti ng araw

Mula sa iyong nangungusap na mga mata 

At muling sumigla ang paligid

Dahil nariyan ka na.

Kasama ko.

Masaya na ulit ako.

Saka pa lang lilipas ang ulan. 

The Choice

Never Thought by Dan Hill

She sighed.

Afraid.

He gasped.

Hopeful.

In that moment, 

As she stands in front of him,

Looking tenderly at her.

He still couldn't believe his eyes.

She is a sight to behold.

Oh how he loves her!

But she looks anxious. 

Her lovely eyes reflect her blurry thoughts.

He fought the urge for an embrace.

He knew it's what she needs

But he knew too,

That she has to do this on her own.

To make that choice.

To have and to hold

Or to let go and turn away.

She savors this moment

As her soul connects to his quiet spirit

In a way no one has ever done.

Oh how she adores him!

But he happened so fast.

Well, maybe not as fast

As she did to him.

He loves her since they met.

To him, she was immaculate.

To her, he was too good to be true.

But at this moment,

While her eyes are locked in his tender gaze, 

Nothing else matters.

She feels the happiness

That he alone could give.

He feels the hope for love

That she alone could give.

Ah, Love! pure and passionate, 

And strange is the pain you give.

She sighed. 

She has one chance.

He remained.

He chose to fight for her.

And so did she. 

She smiled.

Took a step forward.

He held her close.

Lost in the wonder of her scent.

In the wonder of her choice. 

Ah, Love! Strong and true,

And beautiful are the days you give

To two souls you counted as one! 

Hello, Tears.

https://youtu.be/Nkir2ZTCSoE

Hello, Tears.

Why the sudden visit?

I'm not expecting you. 

Your slow, tormenting flow

Makes me feel that unfamiliar pain.

Why, Tears? Why?

I appreciate your presence 

At this very moment.

You may stay for a while

But please don't flood my sleep.

Please go easy on me.

I can't be hurt.

Do you understand?

Tomorrow, I'll see the traces you will leave behind.

But I hope you won't visit me again.

I don't like this bewildering pain.

So please go and don't remind me ever again.

Goodbye, Tears.

What is the Coolest Love Story?

What is the coolest love story?

It's you. 

And me. 

Together. 

It's us waking up to a bright morning

Fighting over the white duvet.

It's us having coffee and toast while reading

With that sunrise and chirping of birds 

It's us running down the pavement

Beating our lungs and legs.

It's us playing and sweating profusely 

And burning calories off.

It's us lathering each other in bath

Or brushing each other's teeth.

It's us hating the idea of work

For trying to separate us for a day.

It's us thinking of each other

In the middle of a mission.

It's us throwing texts and emails

Just to get through the day. 

It's us driving like a mad man

Hurrying to be home.

It's us forgetting that crazy stunt

Once reunited after a day's work.

It's us gazing the stars at night

Listening as you play the guitar and sing

Wondering what on earth have i done that i ended up with you.

It's us relaxing inside our house

Fighting over the remote control,

It's us talking about people and places,

And cursing and blessing them to our heart's content.

It's us laughing on the jokes you crack

That others hardly consider to be funny.

It's us stopping to a silly and quiet smile

Realizing how crazy it is that there is "us"

It's us dancing in the silent music

That only our hearts can hear,

Or laying my head on your chest

Intoxicated by each other's scent.

It's us ending each day 

In the comfort of each other's arms.

It wouldn't matter if it had been good or not

For as along as we're together again.

For us, we are enough

And there is neither small or grand. 

Everything is just happy and perfect

Because there is you and me. 

So what is the coolest love story?

Nothing.

Because there is no "us". 

I'm Done

I hate you so much. 

Because you make me hate myself.

There are no words to describe how much I despise you.

This is the last time I will try to be at peace with you. 

I'm done.

BECAUSE OF YOU

By Kelly Clarkson

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Ra-Om7UMSJc

I will not make
The same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break
The way you did, you fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

What is the Greatest Love Story?

What is the greatest love story? 

It's you. 

And me.

Together.

There is no greater love than this.

At first hello, at first smile

In laughters and tears,

And the silence in between,

There was "us".

There was nothing I could ask for.

You were too good to be true.

But if there was any truth in what we have shared,

It was that I loved you. 

Fiercely.

Tenderly.

So dearly.

I didn't mean to. 

I didn't want to. 

And I swear I kept stopping myself from doing so. 

But how I miserably failed! 

I never knew that I'm capable to love that much. 

And you loved me too.

Fiercely.

Tenderly.

So dearly.

The love that I have always wanted was in you.

You own it.

You own mine.

But it was gone and would never be mine. 

Your love was never mine. 

Could never ever be mine.

I was such a fool to even try.

Yes, I have fought for this love. 

I would over and over again

If only it was meant to be. 

My love for you will always be yours,

And though your love is the one that I have always wanted,

I could never ever have you.

You had to go. 

And so did I. 

My greatest love will just be in my memory.

In yours.

So what is the greatest love story?

Nothing. 

Because there is no "us".

Not a Do-Nothing-Bitch

I get my hair treated regularly, let my tresses down once in a while especially on a nice dress with a comfy glittery flops that show off my well-pedicured toes. I put on a pink blush every now and then after puffing powder on to complement my not-so-fair skin. I curl my lashes and line my eyes to reveal its glow that was snatched by lack of sleep. I put on a nude lipstick to finish a simple elegant look that will go well with my attire. I indulge on a personally hand-picked cologne for a sweet girly scent. Everyday i look at myself on the mirror feeling satisfied and i leave with a smile on my face ready to face the day. 

But then I'm the kind of girl you wouldn't want to mess with. You may think i am all nice and curvy but I am more than that. My mind is a well of intelligence and wisdom of the deepest thoughts. My heart is kind but it is never frail. My hands are smooth but they are strong. My legs are fine but they are swift. My eyes are truly the windows to my soul, you'll burn in its fury. My mouth are soft but my words will make or break you, as I pleased. 

I train and beat myself to be physically and psychologically able. I run, read and rest to my heart's content and pleasure. I work diligently and love passionately. I fight to win and take pleasure in victory. I have a mind of my own and speak my own when needed. I am not a damsel in distress. I am not a do-nothing-bitch. 

So the next time our paths crossed, take a second look. I am more than your first. 

Tethered

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pollute your mind with my arrogance and abhorrence. I should have arrested the thoughts the moment they've been creeping in me, yet i've allowed them and got me tethered on the notion that i'm still nice, when I'm no longer. I'm sorry you met me at my worst. For your sake, I'll try to shut down the demons  inside and somehow be a better friend. 

UNTITLED: PROLOGUE & EPILOGUE

Three years ago, I wrote a letter that I promised to myself will be part of a novel I'll write. Today, I was able to make the  prologue and epilogue, in which this letter was made used. Yay!  I don't have the title of my novel yet, but please bear with me. There is no rush. hahaha. 

The entire plot is pretty much complete in my mind and I have the characters already moving in my brain cinema but heck it will take so much time again to be put into words. Hahaha. I hope to get to finish it before my own sun set hahaha. 

The theme song I chose for these chapters is Nina's rendition of "Somewhere Down the Road." Ouch! But altogether, I am super excited to make this novel come true. So help me, Papa God. Hahaha. 

SOMEWHERE DOWN THE ROAD By Nina

PROLOGUE

I woke up with the ringing of my phone. It's an overseas call. It's 3:30AM in my place. I didn't realize I have fallen asleep on this blue couch. I've been waiting for this call for what seemingly the longest time of my life. I wanted this call to end the prolonged agony of fear. Fear of losing her. 

"Hello?"

"John...this is Amy." I dreaded the tone  of the voice I am hearing from the other line. Burst of fear started racing in my chest. Bile filling up my throat to the point of choking.

"Amy, what's going on? How is she?", I demanded an urgent, and God be gracious, positive answer.

Deafening silence ensued.

"I'm sorry, John. She's gone." 

The silent sobs grew louder in my ears. Words failed me. NO! My mind scatterred like a mad man trying to save her by my silent scream. NO! I'm not losing her! She won't break my heart! She said she won't! I can't lose her! NO! Please. Please. Please. 

"Amy, can you please put the mic on her. I'll wake her up," I asked almost without clarity.

"I'm so sorry, John. She wouldn't hear you anymore,"

"NO!!!" I shouted.

"Please, put the damn phone on her. She will hear me. She will wake up for me. Please. Please." I broke to tears. 

The sobs grew into quiet anguish. 

"John, I sent you an email. It's her last message for you. I'm so sorry." Amy hanged up.

I felt cold. I died a thousand deaths.

This is not happening. This is just a very bad dream. I will just have to return to bed and wake up to a new day. I will hear her soft, gentle voice again. She will tell me how she loves me and I will tell her how much she means to me. Oh God! Please let this be a dream. 

Time runs fast. The rays of the sun coming from my window force its way to my eyes. I rose up quickly! My heart utters the only language it knows! 

Sophia! 

...

EPILOGUE

The waves of the Mediterranean Sea crash on the shore, as the red sun sets down. We used to watch many sunsets here.

"It is beautiful!" she would always say. 

"Yes," I could only agree, as I watched her instead of the sun settling to rest. She would always give me that look, that smile that would always, always take me in a place of pure bliss.

"Why are you looking at me that way?", she would chuckle.

"Your lips..."

"What about them?", her eyes smiling coyly.

"They are like… magnets" 

I would kiss her to commensurate my loss for words. And I would be lost in her consuming love. 

This place will never be the same. Another day has gone. Another day without her. I miss her. I will miss her forever. The pain of losing her will be a permanent visitor in my heart. I have nothing left. She has taken everything with her.

The see breeze blows softly. As it touched my cheeks, it made me close my eyes. I felt the pain again. The longing. The emptiness. 

I thought of her letter that she asked Amy to give me. I kept a copy of it in my wallet. It's in my phone, too. I have read it once. I didn't want to read it again since then. I don't want to feel the excruciating pain it brings me. But right now, as the stars above lined up to their destiny, as the cool wind kisses my cheeks, something is moving me to read her letter again. Gently, I booted my phone. Her smile greeted me as my phone lights up. She is very beautiful. How I love her! 

As I read her words, my heart bloats in that familiar pain. But the sea breeze seems to soothe it. 

My beloved John, 

First of all, I LOVE YOU. I love you with all my heart and soul. Loving you and being loved by you made me live and made life beautiful beyond compare. Thank you for your great love. You're the greatest gift God gave me. I thank God for you.

Secondly, I AM SORRY. I am sorry if you are reading this. There is only one reason why you are reading this. I swear to God, I have been asking him every single day that you won’t read this letter, not that soon. This is the hardest thing I have ever written, especially that i know, how this will make you feel. But i was feeling that my time has come, and i just cannot go without telling you what is inside my heart and mind.

I'm sorry if you are missing me today, and in the days to come. I know how much it hurts. I can never forgive myself for hurting you this much. But you have to know, i didn’t mean this to happen. I swear i did my best not to break your heart. That's the thing i dreaded to do.  But this is the farthest i can go. I wish i could stay forever, just to be with you forever. But my time is up.

Now, i can only watch you from afar. I’ll be watching over you all the time. I’ll be that soft gentle breeze, and the brightest star in the night sky. I’ll be that soft voice that the sea creates as i am whispering to your ears how much i love you and miss you. I will not be far. I will stay by you forever, because you are my heaven.

I only want you to be happy, to have the best in everything. But I am not the best for you. I only love you.  May the thought of this love always bring you happiness, completeness, strength and peace. Always.  

     

Take good care of yourself. Please do your best not be sad or feel bad. Life does not end with my going. I hope I did something to make you see how beautiful life is, whether I am near or far. Thats what you did to me. For each time you get sad and feel bad, meet me by the sea and we will talk. At night, take your pillow and call her my name. Embrace it like you are embracing me, and you will feel me. I am everywhere you are darling. I won't be far. I’m always near you. ALWAYS. 

I don’t want to end this letter, in as much as i don’t want "us" to end. I know you feel me, you always do. Thank you for taking care of me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for making me the happiest girl on earth. Thank you for everything.

So long, Darling. Til we meet again. I love you so much. Don’t forget. 

The big wave crashed again like a dot ending her words. I looked to the horizon. It's black like the way I feel inside, but looking afar, my brightest star is shining above me.

I won't forget. I can never forget.

IT'S NOT OKAY

I stumbled on this today: "You don't have to accept anything you are not okay with." 

This made me think hard. I'm the kind of person who has a high tolerance on whatever happens to me or around me, even if it isn't really okay with me. My mantra: "I don't give a god-damn care!" It's always ready to come out of my mouth. And everyday, it seems this mantra has become more comfortably dominating my life. I shrug anything off, almost always. I have no time to overthink. I choose not to use my energy for other things I do not have control over. 

But right now, I'm sort of starting to doubt my choices. I think I deserve more. 

"The most satisfied people don't wait for what they want to happen. They go get it."

Lately, I begin hearing myself say "I know what I want." I like control. I take charge.

That's a good sign, I guess, that I'm taking charge of my life. Not dependent on fate, circumstances nor other people. I refuse to be at the mercy of others and to let things happen "que sera sera." 

No. "Whatever will be, will be" is unacceptable. It's not okay, because I know what I want, and i'll get what I want. No more, no less.

This song I made today introduces me to a new person in me. Say hello to the NEW ME. Hahaha.

IT'S NOT OKAY 

Don't.

Don't treat me like I am less.

When I rise up,

I am more than what you think I am.

Don't push me to the edge.

When I feel it's done,

I am done and it's all over. 

There is no turning back.

Don't.

Don't treat me like I don't know.

I know what I want. 

I'll get what I want. 

Don't drive my heart and mind.

You have no control over me.

I take no chances.

When it's not okay, it's not okay.

It's not okay to be at your mercy

I won't beg for what I truly deserve.

Either you give me or not at all.

Either you please me or not at all. 

There are no gray areas now.

No more waiting now.

If you can't, if you won't 

I'll walk away coz it's not okay. 

STOP

Here is one of those weird stuff I do after reading a lot of Nicholas Sparks, hahaha.

Plots on ironic situations on love and romance can be very perplexing but equally interesting. 😝😉

THE WAY YOU LOOK AT ME by Christian Bautista

Do you ever think of me?

Do you ever feel me each time I think of you?

Do you ever think of us?

Of how blissful our laughter could sound? 

Of how silly our stories could go?

Of how crazy our minds could connect?

Or of how comforting your touch felt on my skin?

Of how assuring your lips felt on mine?

Of how serene your arms felt around me?

Yes, i think of you.

Constantly.

Tenderly.

Impermissibly.

...Stop. 

I should stop thinking of you. 

I cannot be thinking of you.

You are forbidden.

You are a threat to my sanity.

You are a menace to a tranquil life.

You came without a warning. 

You happened so fast.

You caught me offguard.

So swiftly you have seized my sense of time. 

So hastily you have conquered my sense of reason.

So suddenly you have become its master.

Like the lord of time, you cause me to remember you adoringly as many times as the clock ticks.

Like the eminence of passion, you cause me to yearn for you achingly as much as hunger needs its fill.

Like the conqueror of frailty, you cause me to return helplessly to the memory of you.

Of the memory of the mystifying way you look at me.

Of the persistent way you prolong that gaze as if telling me not to let go.

Of the extended moment our eyes were locked in deafening silence and wonder.

As if you were telling me a secret that only your eyes could say.

As if you were taking me to a place only the two of us could know.

As if you were searching for an answer to a mystery only you could solve. 

What is it you want to tell me?

Do you want me to be with you?

Have you found what you're looking for? 

Or have you instead chosen silence to keep me wondering? 

Or have you instead preferred elusion to keep me at bay?

Or have you instead found confusion from our quiet, disorienting gaze?

...Baffled.

That's what I have become.

Are you as bewildered as I am?

You caused this.

You crossed the line.

You invaded a part of me that should have remained undiscovered.

Untouched.

Guarded.

Do you really want to get that far?

Should I let you in?

Should we give "us" a chance?

I'm scared of you.

Of how you affect me.

Of how you overpower me. 

I'm scared of thinking of you.

Constantly. 

Tenderly. 

Longingly.

...Stop. 

I should stop thinking of you.

Before i can never. 

A TRUE PATRIOT

BAYANIHAN by Sarah Geronimo


Why are you attacking us

With your piercing words? 

Are we supposed to publicize our actions,

like the other "patriots" do,

just to prove and redeem ourselves,

and so earn your approval,

while jeopardizing our operations?

Are we supposed to attack you too,

with the same weapon you use against us?

No, we won't do that,

Even if you don't agree.

A true patriot understands this.

Why do you blame us for the things we can't do?

You're the ones who chose our leaders. 

And please don't preach to us about taxes,

Coz we pay ours religiously,

With our salaries, lives and limbs, 

From and for this job we chose but you didn't.

And please don't preach to us about duty,

Coz we do not wear the same sacred uniforms and permanent scars.

A true patriot understands this.

We are not questioning your love for this nation,

Nor your actions to prove it.

Each one has his own way.

Patriotism is not a competition. 

Patriotism needs no recognition.

Patriotism may not be loud.

We may be silent, 

Coz silence is part of our job,

But we are here, there and everywhere.

Every single day.

Fighting.

With whatever is given us. 

In whatever way we can.

We are relentless.

We never give up.

For your children and mine.

For our people.

For you,

Even while you are mercilessly attacking us.

A true patriot understands this, too.

We would be happy not to trade places with you,

So you and your children won't have to see what our eyes have seen;

So you and your children won't have to fight the battles we have fought.

Go ahead and keep calling us names.

It doesn't matter, really.

But understand this:

We are everywhere,

In places others would not dare to be.

Fighting.

Until we drop.

No questions asked.

No blame-game. 

A true patriot understands this. 

We are not the enemy. 

And please be very sure 

that you're not the foe,

In your thoughts, words and deeds.

Because if you are, 

Then you have no right to attack us

With your double-edged tongue.

But if you are a true patriot,

Then we have nothing to explain to you. 

You already know the answers

Deep inside of you.

And because you are a fellow patriot, 

You know that you can count on us, 

And that we can count on you, too.

That we got each other's backs.

That we can fight together, 

In a manner we uniquely know,

For God, country and people.

A true patriot understands this, too.

YOU'RE NOT ALONE

I once was asked, "What keeps you awake at night?" This is my answer. One of the things that I highly value, so much that I would lay down my life for it. 

I wanna be there for you

In your darkest night

Make you feel alright 

Be your light 

When hope's out of sight

I'll be there for you

In the toughest ride

Shatter the tide

Be your guide

When the lights just hide

I am here! I am here! Oh! 

CHORUS:

You're not alone, not alone

I wont be far from you, oh hoh

You're safe from harm, any harm

This faith shall come through, oh hoh

I'm here for you, here for you

Together we'll come through, oh hoh

You're not alone, not alone 

I am here for you. 

I wanna be there for you

When you're lost and torn

Feeling so low

Be your home

When the storms are strong

I am here! I am here! Oh! 

(Chorus)

Bridge:

Take my hand

I'll hold your hand

Reach for the sky

Climb up the mountain high

No oceans are too deep

No cliffs are too steep

We can make it through

I am here for you!!! Oh woh hoh!

(Chorus)

JESUS, I CHOOSE YOU

Deep sigh! Craziness overload. I feel like crying but I won't. I'm stronger than that. I refuse to give in to weakness and sadness. I choose to look to the cross and lay down everything at His feet.

In moments like this, I found solace in silence with a guitar in my hand. I found this song freely flowing. Then I realized, it is Jesus who chose me despite my weaknesses and unworthiness. How grateful I can be! 

Jesus, I choose you

Thank you for choosing me.

Jesus, You know me well

Thank you for choosing me.

Jesus, I choose you

Over all the worries of my life

Jesus, I choose you

Over all the world can give

Refrain:

Im beaten, tired and blue

Lord, Im weak and so in need of You

But i choose to trust in You today

I choose You, Lord Jesus

Chorus:

For You are always good

You are always kind

Your love for me is strong and wide

You're always by my side. 

For You are always strong 

You are always able

Your love keeps me from falling

You'd never let me go

I choose to worship You

Yes, I choose to rejoice in You

My Jesus, now and always

I choose you.